Self-Care and Coping Skills
Coping skills are strategies you can use to help calm your brain and body down and boost your mood when things get tough.
Like learning to ride a bike, learning to use coping skills takes practice!
It can be helpful to make a list of things you find helpful for when things get hard.
Quick Check-in: How your body feels plays a role in your mood and reactions. Are you hungry or tired? Have you moved today? Are you sick or in pain? Taking care of these needs can make it easier to support yourself.
For the next 2 days (48 hours):
1. Don't make any big decisions - just focus on a few minutes at a time
2. Don't use any drugs or alcohol
3. Reach out for support or distraction from friends and family
If you need a skill to help you calm down quickly, try:
1. Calming your body by putting your face in cold water and holding your breath for 10-30 seconds
2. Slow your breathing by breathing out for longer than you breathe in
3. Try getting in touch with your surroundings by noticing 5 things you can see, 4 things you can feel, 3 things you can hear, 2 things you can smell, and 1 thing you can taste.
If these skills don't work or you want to try a different skill, check out additional resources or try the skills below.
A lot of times our emotions are tied to our physical body. Below are some skills that can change your body’s current state to help calm down your mind. Click a button to see a specific skill, or scroll through this page to see all of them:
Get in Touch with Your Surroundings
Pay attention to what's going on around you. Using all 5 of your senses can help you stay present and refocus your thoughts.
Use the 5-4-3-2-1 method:
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Notice 5 things you can see
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Notice 4 things you can touch or feel
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Notice 3 things you can hear
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Notice 2 things you can smell – and if you can’t smell anything imagine the scent of your favorite smells!
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Notice 1 thing you can taste. If you can’t taste anything, imagine eating your favorite food and picture what it tastes like.
Distraction
What is distraction?
Distraction is a skill that can help you work through difficult feelings or situations. Distraction is not a solution. Instead, it is a tool to help you temporarily focus on something other than distressing thoughts and feelings.
Here are some ideas:
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Watch TV
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Play a game
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Read
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Text or talk to a friend
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Cook, bake, or eat your favorite food
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Listen to music, the radio, a podcast, or an audio book
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Exercise or spend time outside
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Play an instrument
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Clean or organize something (like your closet)
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Draw, sketch, or paint
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Do something nice for someone
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Talk about a topic you’re interested in (like sports, movies, music, etc.) with someone you know
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Go to a park, bookstore, coffee shop, or store. Look around and see what people are doing. Where do you think they are going? What do you think their names are? Make up stories about the people you see.
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Maybe it’s too hard to think about something positive or fun to do, or you’re stuck at school or at home. Try something you can do wherever you are.
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Count an object around you, like how many tiles are on the floor or how many people are wearing a certain color
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Play a game on your phone
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Start reciting a song you know (out loud or in your head)
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Do some mental math (ex. Count backwards from 100 by 7s)
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Play the ABC game: pick a category [e.g., songs, foods, animals, etc.] and try to think of something in that category for every letter of the alphabet [e.g., apple, banana, carrot, donut...]
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If you have access to a phone, tablet, or computer, you can play a distracting game online. Try:
When you’re having thoughts of suicide or self-harm it can be tough to distract yourself to stay safe. Try:
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Holding an ice cube in your hand and let it melt
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Eating something spicy or sour
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Punching a pillow or throw it as hard as you can at the wall
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Exercising
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Playing with a pet
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Using fidgets
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Pleasant Activities
Doing pleasant activities, or things that you enjoy, make you feel good, or are meaningful to you, can help you de-stress, cope with negative feelings, and boost your mood. What are some things that you find fun, enjoy doing, or help you relax? Think of as many of these things as you can, then try a few of them out.
Try rating your mood before and after to figure out what works for you.
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Listen to music
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Draw, sketch, paint
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Go to a cafe or coffee shop
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Play an instrument or sing
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Spend time outside
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Exercise or do something active
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Read a book
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Talk with or text a friend
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Cook, eat, or drink a favorite food or drink
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Go shopping
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Play a sport
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Organize something (like a bookshelf or your room)
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Play or spend time with a pet
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Watch a favorite TV show or movie
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Tip the Temperature
When you’re worried or stressed, your heart rate often goes up. Finding ways to cool down can bring your heart rate down and also help calm your brain.
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Try dunking your face in a bowl or sink of cold water for a few seconds while holding your breath. Repeat 2-3 times. If you can't dunk your face in water, try:
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Taking a cold shower
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Holding an ice pack or ice cube to your face
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Holding a cold wet cloth to your face
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Intense Exercise
When you’re feeling overwhelmed, your body might feel like it needs to move or do something. Doing something active can help release pent up energy, lower stress, and help you feel better.
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Try:
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Jumping jacks
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Go for a jog or run
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Take a fast walk
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Ride a bike
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Swim laps at the pool
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Jump rope
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Paced Breathing
Slowing down your breathing can help your brain and body calm down by increasing oxygen intake and lowering blood pressure and heart rate.
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Breathe deeply through your nose for 4 seconds
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Try to breathe in so that if you had a hand on your belly you would feel it move, instead of feeling your chest move when you breathe in.
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Make sure you breathe out for longer than you breathe in.
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Try breathing out through your mouth for 5-7 seconds.
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Repeat for 2 minutes.
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Check out this video guiding you through a paced breathing exercise.
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Paired Muscle Relaxation
Paired Muscle Relaxation can help re-focus your mind away from what is distressing, can help you focus on the physical sensations in your body, and helps the body let go of stress.
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Find a comfortable position to sit or lie down.
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Take a few deep breaths
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Focus on tensing and relaxing different muscle groups in your body, one at a time, for 5-10 seconds each. For example, tense your muscles for 5 seconds, then slowly relax them and notice the difference in how it feels.
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Start at the top at your head by scrunching your face and work your way down to your feet.
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Repeat these steps with your face, shoulders, hands, abs, thighs, calves, and feet.
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Pay attention to the changes in sensations in each muscle as you tense and relax
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Check out this video for a video guiding you through paired muscle relaxation
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Digital Mental Health Tools
Digital mental health apps are tools you can use on your phone, tablet, or computer. These apps are designed to help people manage big feelings, thoughts of suicide and self-harm, build coping skills, and stay safe during tough times.
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Free, private, and password protected.
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A mobile app that provides coping tools, relaxation, and distraction, with personalized options for content including audio, video, pictures, games, mindfulness exercises, activity planning, inspirational quotes and coping statements.
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Free, private, and password protected.
Created by psychologists for people struggling with self-harm urges.
Offers activities based on how you're feeling.
For ages 18 years and older.
Free, with options for premium.
Offers support to those trying not to engage in risky or dangerous activities such as substance use or self-harm.
Offers tools to track days and streaks engaging in safe behaviors and provides options for community support and coping tools to help stay motivated.
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Free, private, and password protected.
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Created by psychologists for people struggling with self-harm urges.
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Offers activities based on how you're feeling.
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For ages 18 years and older.
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Free, with options for premium.
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Offers support to those trying not to engage in risky or dangerous activities such as substance use or self-harm.
Offers tools to track days and streaks engaging in safe behaviors and provides options for community support and coping tools to help stay motivated.
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Free for anyone age 13-18 years; full version via subscription for other ages.
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Mindfulness and guided meditations to help manage stress, anxiety, and sleep.️
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Free
A virtual self-care friend to help making taking care of yourself fun.
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Free
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A virtual self-care friend to help making taking care of yourself fun.
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PLEASE NOTE:
These apps are NOT a replacement for talking to a doctor or therapist.
If you ever feel unsafe or like you might hurt yourself, reach out to an adult for help or use a crisis number:
Call or text 988 – the Suicide & Crisis Lifeline (available 24/7)
Text “HOME” to 741741 – Crisis Text Line for free, confidential support